Saturday, September 6, 2014

"Slay the dragon save the girl" pt.2

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 ••¤(`×[¤ тαкε υρ тнү sωσя∂ ¤]×´)¤••
Pressing 'select' for a quick check of my inventory; in my first 2 Materia slots shows I have my blue self-confidence coupled w/ purple inner radiance. I've collected 6 heart tanks (worked pretty hard for those) a couple potions, and 'the Green Key' ..whatever that does. Not wanting to cheat myself out of the rewarding experience of learning from my mistakes and bumbling in the darkness, I opted to leave the 'fog of war' setting ON so truth be told there's a number of dark patches on my dungeon map that I still need to venture into and see the bigger picture.

ɹooʞ ʇɐʞǝs dɐʍu
It certainly feels as if I'm taking off on a great adventure or quest. Into the great unknown beyond the infinite, its just around the corner and down the block in my mind. This route has always been here I've just been to afraid to open the door and put one foot in-front of the other. I used to always believe that the darkness beyond the threshold was something to fear; I can't really fault myself as it is pretty scary staring off into a void. Once I came to realize that the void was simply a representation of this inner torment I've been bring upon myself by denying how I really feel. Shining  my inner light past the darkness I see now there's a path I'm compelled to follow, if I encounter an obstacle I'm going to have to learn to deal with it and overcome what ever adversity throws at me.

Lofty talk for someone who doesn't really have the best track record for following through on things. We've been here before long ago, although the wording was different and I wasn't in the best state mentally. Since working through some pressing things in my psyche I finally feel I'm able to tackle this next phase in this life. Since really committing to this decision I've taken every opportunity that presents itself to go out in girl-mode and just be myself, cool (for the most part) calm and relaxed. Its important for me to stretch my legs in this sense due to keeping my female-self bedridden for so long. We came close to losing her there a number of times when the vitals would fluctuate and stresses become to much; just a series of dark times, purging my wardrobe time and time again. After awhile it just became the norm slinking into the comfort of my beautiful depression where I at least knew I was feeling something, as negative as it was - anything to have "normalcy" or the sense there of.

I'm not entirely sure what the future holds but the journey there will be interesting to say such, and altogether temporally (yes, that's a word) rewarding to say the least. I bring up time cause its "high time I get on with my life..."  for so long now I feel I play the part everyone expects of me. I'd like for once to know the joys of a life worth living grabbing the reins and making a break for the boarder. I'm a realist though, knowing this puts a kind of cap on certain things, chasing unattainable beauty -been there and done that, no thanks. There's never going to be the "right time" or "perfect situation" for something like this; one just has to put the gun to their head and pull the trigger.