Friday, September 5, 2014

"Slay the dragon save the girl" pt.1


*Note* when writing this post I kind of just ran with it so its fairly long winded. Having not updated here in a while I figure you can bare with me maybe. Decided to split this post into two parts. Buckle ups.
 

Remembering back to when I was a child; never having enough quarters to play through the entire Dragon's Lair game in the arcade. It always stood apart from all the other games in the arcade; visually enticing animation combined with intimidating game-play all powered by LaserDisc technology. I would always be so mesmerized by the animation that my reaction time would suffer, bad timing aside at 50 cents a pop it was usually placed it out of my reach. That never stopped me from thrilling to the adventures of Dirk the Daring as he tried to rescue the princess from a dragon. I once witnessed someone play thru the entire game with skill and precision, though they'd die from time to time they had quarters for days and seemed hell bent on making it to the ending. I can't imagine how much coinage was consumed in that marathon effort but you have to admire their determination and perseverance.

"Dragon Slaying" is something that's thrown around a lot; people the world over look deep inside of themselves, steel their nerves, confront the darkness within and manage to emerge reborn all Lazarus-like. Everyone has these "dragons" - some bigger than others. Yours might not even be that big, maybe its more like an annoying imp which is easily crushed under your heel. I think more often than not the things we deal with are much bigger and aren't as easily conquered, either the result of us feeding this dragon and letting it get fat and bloated on its own hubris OR the situation really is that difficult and a dire quest is needed to banish the beast from your mental landscape. Then again, the human mind is weird in that its easy to get stuck on a thought, obsess over it and essentially give it life and it becomes a very real thing to you -your imagination works against you in this case. I think everyone has experienced something like this on some level or another, something benign like the monster under the bed you feared as a child, perhaps.

¨°o.O------» ιηsεят cσιηz «------O.o°¨
I've been trying to implement some mental conditioning techniques that have been passed on to me. Not like brainwashing or anything (or maybe it is?) but rather just trying to keep my head in the NOW and support that position with positive affirmations and reinforcement. In the last year there's been a fair bit of progress in my thinking and commitment to beginning transition. I've been working on my self confidence and gaining a better perception of who I am. Many people have helped me along this path which is something I've sorely needed in darker phases of my life. The whole concept of "leaning on another" emotionally in good confidence has always felt odd to me -of course I'm a guarded person (most of the time) and it can be hard for me to crawl out from my fox hole. Even now I sometimes find it difficult to run for the end zone but that's what therapists you work with are for, they are like blockers and defenders, or at least a kind of rudder helping to steer you back on course if you should ever waver on the path to understanding yourself better.